wake

As I lay in the wake of a thousand words, never blinking, never breathing, always thinking, never to smell touch, or feel again, always sleeping, always.... as i feel the pain setting in, i close my eyes I feel somthing, somthing new, somthing cold, swirling around me, getting louder, aND LOUDER, AND LOUDER, closing in on me grasping me tightly. I try to break free, but I cant, it wont let me, it will never let me and suddenly there was silence, silence like you have never heard, never experienced before. It had stoped, I was free, free to lay my foot prints across this world and nothing more, for I was at its will, never to make my own decisions always controlled, always.....It is now swarming inside of me like a wild ocean, it grew soft and i heard it, the steady beat, not of heart I gave that long ago, maybe it was the ocean itself throbbing as though it were fighting for air in a desiesed cloud that of its own creation.....As i lay in the wake of my own decisions I look at myselfand I think were they of importance? And if they were, why was there a wake, there must have been somthing wrong.....As I feel around blindly not knowing where to go my eyes burning intensly as though they were not ready to see what they were seeing, the playfullness of a new sunrise mocking me with my imperfections as I stand in awe I realize...its not real, nothing is, nothing will ever be........